Your wife is doing 10 years for fraud. You were both running an international Ponzi scheme but ran out of time and money as the investors and their lawyers closed in. She took the fall. She said it would be better this way. Easier. For both of you.

So put your hand on the glass.

In the back of the police car, she looked at you and said “We both knew this day might come. I stashed $700,000 in cash in the false wall in the bathroom. Take it. I’ll be fine.”

You need to put your hand on the glass first. That’s the way it works.

“These past few years have been amazing. But I felt like we were living our lives with an expiry date. I’ve been ready for this since we started.” You’ll ask her what she means. She’ll smile and tell you it’ll be fine. You’ll love her.

So put your goddamn hand on the glass. What’s your problem? Is it a germ thing? Do you feel stupid? This woman gave up her freedom for you. Hand. Glass. Go.

She gave the prosecutors everything. She told them she acted alone. She protected you. She had alibis for you for every step of the scheme. This had been part of her plan for years.

GET YOUR HAND ON THE GLASS! I don’t care if you think no one actually does that and that it’s just in the movies. Be a man and do it. Here she comes, so pick up that phone and put your hand on the glass. And really sell it. Make her believe your hands are touching. Who’s that chesty black woman walking in with her? Why are they holding hands? Now they’re kissing in front of you. I think this had been part of her plan for years. The chesty black woman is giving you the finger. You can take your hand off the glass now.

YOU’RE THE HUSBAND WHO WON’T PUT HIS HAND ON THE GLASS!