Daffodils are comforting flowers. They comfort without caring. That’s why you put them in the reception area.

You comfort without caring. Like the daffodils. Compliment yourself on the amusing dark parallel.

Compliment yourself aloud as you close this dead grey person’s coffin. You’ve made him look so peaceful. Good for you. Now go out and tell his relatives he was gay.

Tell his wife first.

“You must have loved your husband very much. And I’m sure he loved you very much. But not as much as he loved other men, both emotionally and sexually.”

Move on to his children.

“I’ve obviously seen many funerals, but I’ve never seen this many people at one. Your father must have been very loved. Did you know he was gay? He was very gay.”

At this point they will ask you how their father could possibly have been gay.

“I was the last person to see your father before the casket closed. There are no more lies at that moment.”

If they knew you told this to every family they wouldn’t be crying so much.

You don’t know why you tell the families that the deceased was gay. LOL JK! You totally do.

Your father left your family when you were 12. On the day he left, the two of you walked through the park near your house. He said that he was tired of lying to you and to your mother and to himself. At 12, you still weren’t clear on how a person lies to himself. Lies were things you told other people. But don’t you always know the truth?

“Exactly,” your father said. “I always knew the truth that I should be with men instead of women.”

“Can’t you be with a man and stay here?” you asked. It made sense sort of.

“I wish I could stay with you, but your mother won’t let me.”

You didn’t resent your father. You knew he loved you. You resented the man who came to pick your father up that day. He was the undertaker at the funeral home across from your father’s office. He waved to you and you stared back. You hated him as he kissed your father and drove him away. You’ve hated him every day since.

Why did you become an undertaker? Why do you tell people that their dead loved one was gay when it clearly makes no sense? It didn’t make sense to you when your father told you. Why should it make sense to them? And the undertaker thing? I guess we all become the thing we hate most.

YOU’RE THE UNDERTAKER WHO OUTS THE DEAD!