You’re nervous. You have four days left before your search for a Halloween costume turns into a mad dash around the house, picking up various articles, ending with some vague title like “hippie” or “Anthony Eden, British Prime Minister from 1955 to 1957.”
Here at the HofC, we want to help. We have years of Halloween consultation experience behind us. Drop a question or costume request in the comment box below and we’ll come back to you with the most innovative ideas that public decency laws allow. A little background helps (party you’re attending, your ethnicity, past costumes, your ethnicity etc).
Past successes: Robert Goulet Batman, all the characters from Mad Men in a single costume, Home Invasion Dora the Explorer, and many many others.
Don’t be shy. We’re here to help.
Dear House of Carlyle readers,
When I was ten years old, my grandfather took me for a walk in the forest. We took a trail that I had never been down before, due mainly to an increase in gang activity in that area of the woods. We walked to the edge of a lake and stood looking out over it in silence for what seemed like hours, but was in fact three days.
“Why did you bring me here Grandpa?” I finally asked.
“Wait,” he said. “It’s almost time.”
I stood as still as the trees, my eyes fixed on the wide expanse of water. I heard my grandfather take a deep breath. He then blasted one of the most spectacular farts I had ever heard. He smiled broadly, then fell over dead.
As I dug a grave with the shovel that he had been carrying with him (which at the time I had found to be an odd accessory for a walk in the woods), I understood that my grandfather had been trying to explain something about the nature of comedy to me. That and avoid a sparsely-attended funeral. My grandfather was very unpopular.
The House of Carlyle carries on that spirit. We’ll be featuring some of the best humour writing around, from satire and parody to captioned photos of pigeons wearing very small bowties. We update constantly, so check in often. We also look to outside contributions, so send us your stuff.
My grandfather would always say “Life is largely absurd, so who the fuck cares if we skip Christmas?” Thank you, Grandpa. Thank you.
House of Carlyle